On longing to create and trusting the writing to lead
Last week, one of my writing friends was telling me about querying agents for the novel she wrote. Then she told me she’s starting her next project – a new novel. As she was talking, I could sense this longing, like Ohhhhh, I want to be working on a big project too! So many ideas have been bubbling up lately - a book of fables, a second poetry collection, reviving my previous draft of my novel, starting a new novel.
It felt delicious to have that many ideas and possibilities.
In the past, I would have convinced myself that I needed to know exactly what I'm working on before starting. I would have wanted a structure. I would have needed a plan before writing.
And then, one of two things would happen.
I would have gotten overwhelmed with the choosing, wrapped up in finding The Idea. I would have mulled and considered. I might even have agonized over choosing, convincing myself that starting one might mean I couldn’t ever do the others.
Or I might have landed on an idea but then would have gotten wrapped up in needing to create the perfect structure. I would have spent time trying to figure out the layout, the arc, the themes. In debating the outline or the format.
In either case, what would happen next was.... not much
Often, I’d get super busy at work or dive into creating a new play space for the kids. I’d start a new productivity regiment or resolve to go to the gym more. Or maybe I’d spend a bunch of time on the structure, do a bit of writing, but then things would start to feel dull, and I’d find myself questioning the whole idea all over again.
In short, I’d keep myself from writing
I still have a beautifully structured outline of a memoir built around all the houses I’ve lived in sitting in my laptop, with only the first few chapters drafted.
What I didn’t know then was that the distraction and busy-ness and need for a perfect structure were all forms of resistance. It was the mind unconsciously trying to keep me from stepping into the wild beauty of self-discovery and expression that writing offers.
***
In the days following that call with my friend, I found myself trying to figure it out again. What’s my thing now? I wrote in my morning writing. What’s the project that’s calling? What is it?
I noticed I was doing a lot of analyzing and planning. Well, I could bring back the other novel, work on that in the morning, and then start to map out some themes for a book of fables? I pulled an oracle card and used dialogue writing to find answers.
Then, I realized I was doing it again.
Trying to plan out the writing instead of letting the writing show me the way
This is exactly how culture tells us to do things: Make your goal, break it down into SMART objectives, assign tasks, and a timeline…. But here’s the thing, the writing I want to do doesn’t work that way. I don’t work that way.
What I know now is that I need to follow the urge to write first. Put the pen to paper, the hands on the keyboard. Let what wants to come out come out. Let what wants to be written be written. My job is to show up to receive and to keep doing that.
Of course it’s ok to have an idea, but early on, It’s best to hold it loosely, knowing that what you write may have other ideas about what it wants to be. If you keep writing, and trust the process, one day you’ll come to your writing desk with a realization, a knowing. Oh, you might realize, I’ve been writing about this one period of my life a lot, and it wants to be turned into a short story. Or a book of poems. Or a multi-sensory experience.
A woman I met a few months ago had been writing poems about her time in Nicaragua, readying to complete another book of poetry, when she realized her poems really wanted more space and context. Now she’s expanding them and hopes to create a memoir.
I didn't set out to publish a book of poetry, far from it. In fact, when I wrote many of the poems, starting three or four years ago, I kept saying I didn’t know how to write poetry and didn’t know what I was doing. I just wrote. And yet, one day I woke up and decided that I wanted to make a collection, which eventually became Desert Heart and was published earlier this year.
But, you might be saying, I don't even know where to start
First, you create the space to write (in your calendar or your home or your neighborhood coffee shop) and then you write.
It really is that simple.
You can experiment using writing prompts to write. If you’d like some to arrive in your inbox on a daily basis, I have some here in my shop. Also, Natalie Goldberg’s book Writing Down the Bones is a wonderful place to start.
You could also try the Online Writers’ Studio for Women
If you’ve tried making space before, writing it down in your calendar or vowing you'd do it this time for real and found it’s hard to make time to write, I have something that might help. I created the Online Writers’ Studio for women and those identifying as women, and we're a small group of women gathering with the purpose to write more
In the Studio, I host daily (Mon-Fri) virtual cowriting sessions where I give you an optional writing invitation (prompt.) Then we go cameras off and dedicate the hour to working on whatever writing we like. There are also two generative writing workshops a month.
If you’d like to find out more, go here. I’d love to write with you.
No matter what you try next though, remember, it’s the writing that will show you the way. You don’t have to figure it out before you start. You just need to start.
Are you ready to write?