Why accomplished women stay stuck: no room for stillness
Last week, I wrote a piece about what brings you meaning, inviting you to move toward what truly fulfills you. There are lots of places we can get stuck along the way to finding meaning and our own authentic voices in this world. And one I see often is not making room for silence, for quiet in our lives.
I have been there many times. Years ago, I was managing a portfolio of clients. I had global teams in Arizona, London, and Hong Kong. I traveled. We had moved a few times, built a house. Had two small children. And all along, there was a part of me longing for more meaning. And yearning to be writing more.
On retreat
This past weekend, I was able to attend a day-long retreat with a group of local women here in Sioux Falls at a lovely, out of the way setting on the banks of the Big Sioux River.
As I sat in that peaceful space, surrounded by the soft rustle of cottonwoods and the flutter of finches. I was struck by how much I needed this. By how much I craved having nowhere to rush to, no email to respond to, no phone buzzing, or no writing project to work on.
It was quiet and slow.
I could breathe
In my work, I've met many women who feel stuck. Sometimes they come to me frustrated with their businesses that can’t get off the ground or that seem stuck. Other times, they have ideas for creative projects, but they never quite take off.
Sometimes they’re longing for a sense of purpose, but their search feels vague or in vain.
They're accomplished, intelligent, capable women who can't understand why they can't seem to catch their breath. They can’t understand why, even when they manage to take steps toward their intentions, they still feel a thrumming sense that something is off. That something isn’t right.
But when I look at their lives, I see the real reason they’re stuck: there is no space. No breathing room.
No stillness.
Their days are packed from dawn until past-tired. They have kids to worry about or shuttle, meals to prepare, work demands, household management. There is constant stimulation and continual motion.
To make matters worse, even if there aren’t as many commitments or activities, there still isn’t any quiet. That’s because there’s no space in their minds. Inside there’s is a constant thrum of scanning and planning. Reviewing and regretting.
A cycle of internal noise
It seems they've filled every available moment. And, often when they reach a point of overwhelm, they end up scrolling on the phone or staring at the TV as each new episode auto-plays. Knowing, deep down, that even as they do this, it isn’t helping.
I used to live this way too. When I would hear people talk about quiet time, I thought “must be nice!” And I would redouble my logical search for answers.
But here's what I learned: when you try to jump past the stage of creating space for stillness, you will always short circuit. Always.
Wisdom expands in silence
Our inner wisdom—that which comes from our deeper self, that which knows our next right step, that holds our most authentic creative impulses, that can guide us toward meaningful work and genuine fulfillment—can only be heard in hushed moments.
It's not loud enough to compete with the constant noise and seductive pull of technology in our full lives.
I liken it to trying to have an important conversation with a friend while standing in the middle of a McDonald’s Play Place on a Saturday morning. Chaos! Our wisdom is there, the guidance is available, but it's completely drowned out by the noise.
How to begin
One of the things I worried about when I began this journey was that to start to hear my inner wisdom I’d have to learn to meditate in the forest for hours. Ugh, who has time for that? I thought.
Creating space for quiet doesn’t have to be big or complicated. It’s just about making room for your inner voice to emerge and be heard. It's about allowing ideas to simmer instead of always consuming new input. It's about giving your nervous system permission to rest so your creativity can flourish.
If you're ready to begin creating this space, here are a few thought starters. You may have your own ideas. The most important thing, I’d say, is to start small.
Maybe you could try setting aside just five minutes each morning before checking your phone. Sit with a cup of coffee or tea and simply be present. No agenda, no problem-solving, just stillness.
Try establishing a technology-free zone in your day, perhaps the first hour after waking up or the last hour before bed.
How about taking a walk without podcasts or music? Let your mind wander and see what surfaces.
Build some buffer time between appointments instead of scheduling back-to-back. Use these moments to breathe, reset, and check in with yourself.
I’d suggest you take notes (perhaps using a journal or a word in your calendar) to record how this feels when you do this. Questions you can ask: What do you like or not like? What do you notice?
The goal isn't to overhaul your life overnight. Rather it’s a practice. The aim is to create pockets of quiet where your deeper self and authentic voice can begin to emerge from underneath all the noise.
Because I promise you, your beautiful, gentle, and wise self is there.
She’s waiting for you to create the silence so you can hear her.
How will you cultivate some moments of stillness this week?
Are you looking for more stillness in your life? I offer bespoke 1:1 online retreats combining guided meditation, silence, reflective writing, and music to create sacred space for your own inner wisdom and voice to emerge. Email me to learn more about designing your personal retreat experience.